the heart of a broken story

In loving memory

2009-08-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

While I've been fortunate enough to not have had a dear friend or family member's life taken, grieving times still call for reflection.

The few but sweet memories I have of and with you are what can draw so much sorrow from me, and I can only imagine how your family, Eric, your friends, your sisters, and everyone who ever loved and will continue to cherish you are going through. Nineteen and missed can only yield one word: tragic.

May you rest in peace, Arlene.

Drive safely.

2009-08-07T15:28:00.001-07:00

2009-05-12T04:01:00.000-07:00

I have trouble sleeping again - though now for entirely different reasons.

Headaching.

2009-05-04T15:27:00.000-07:00

Consistency may just help with this mindfuck of a life I live.

Untitled.

2009-05-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

Macrophobia.

2009-04-27T16:56:00.001-07:00

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Partie deux.

2009-04-20T15:10:00.001-07:00

Here's to a second draft.

Words from the wise.

2009-04-08T02:26:00.000-07:00

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain

The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change, for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up.
Charles Morgan

It is foolish to pretend that one is fully recovered from a disappointed passion. Such wounds always leave a scar.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Perhaps it is due time for more. Ink, that is.

Back to the future.

2009-03-31T03:07:00.001-07:00

Irrelevant application.

2009-02-20T09:37:00.001-08:00

Don't you just hate when you can't seem to find what's been right in front of you all along? Then once you stop searching, voilà! There it is.

Notecards : metaphor as midterm : the devil.
Key idea is disguise.

Two roads diverged in a wood..

2009-02-19T01:27:00.000-08:00

Among the worries of this quarter's midterms and papers in my head have been even more swarming thoughts of schooling - past, future, and that in a parallel universe, or universes.
More specifically the latter.

To think I could be anticipating my enrollment in dentistry school in July rather than trying to figure out if I should even be taking summer school to rid of lower div courses. I could be 3,000 miles away studying journalism and science at the same time, instead of reconsidering my sad, delayed attempt at a double major. I could be just 35 miles from LA, alongside some of the brightest scientists in the country; instead I'm 35 miles from Claremont, lost among some of the brightest students of the state. 21 miles from home and I could've gotten a degree with more of a brand name, for my parents' and future's sake. Less than 10 miles away was a double degree, one possibly from one of the best journalism schools in the nation, the other of the current bane of my existence, along with a guaranteed bid to dentistry school, as was the case with Boston.

How was this first seeded of 14?
I can't seem to remember what compelled me to arrive here.

.. and I took the one:
a) less traveled by.
b) more frequented.
c) that I'll always question.

Past and present tense.

2009-02-16T19:47:00.000-08:00

For you; with you; you.

2009-02-15T03:16:00.000-08:00

I need to be more aware of my actions - be less selfish and hostile, and more considerate. I'm gonna give you what I promised, whether it be by your way or mine.

I left the best of me sitting right beside you.

I respect you, despite your flaws and "crazy actions." That you can hold strong and separate your past into another dimension amazes me. It's too bad, yet so fortunate.

Apathetic is the new broken.

2009-02-01T19:56:00.000-08:00

You never notice how much a clock stops ticking until you need it. Perhaps it is due time for a change in batteries, or perhaps it has broken, silently and without regard. Either way, the moment of its necessity has fleeted, and it is left overlooked on the wall once again, collecting dust and still as ever.

You told me so.

2009-01-31T14:24:00.000-08:00

I somehow always find a means by which to waste time. In this case and much like you said, you weren't worth it.

So sitcoms can double as fables. Perfect example? HIMYM, of course.
You keep on giving up on people so easily, You can miss out on something great. - RS
You're irrationally picky, you're easily distracted, and you're utterly anhedonic. - ME
Parallelism, perhaps.

I know how you feel.

2009-01-30T05:17:00.000-08:00

Funny how you think your experiences are just that - yours. Yeah, I read another short story by Jennifer Weiner today.. stories, actually. I have to admit, I actually related to one of these girly girl narratives. But I realized that I'm not the only one who's gone through what I have, has thought what I've thought. It's amazing how out of 6 billion+ people, you think you're the only one.

Not to say I haven't learned anything.

Hello, my name is:

2009-01-28T01:34:00.000-08:00

Let me introduce myself.

Claire. 20. Korean. Burlingame. UCLA '11.

I'm a periodic insomniac. I take melatonin when I'd rather dream the impossible than think the ineffable. My sleeping habits are the bane of my existence. I should get that checked.

I have neuroses, but who doesn't? Coffee cups and sleeves need to be aligned upon receiving and photos must be filed in a certain manner on my computer. Most else is free game - I am not a neat freak, though I have lapses, nor am I organized, but I do know where my possessions lie.. at least most of the time.

I am not girlfriend material. At least not from a girlfriend's perspective. Not enough can be said on that matter.

I am easily absorbed as well as disinterested.

I rely on two people - both of which I can't say do on me.

I find it hard to trust people entirely. I speak a lot, even to the biggest mouthed, but cannot for the life of me share all. Thank goodness for blogs.

I read and write when I shouldn't, such as now. Peak literacy occurs when I should be focused on school. I'm well aware of it too. My vice, my kryptonite. Learning a disregarded virtue.

I don't like to share creativity. Ideas, stories, especially feelings, I wish I could keep locked in forever. Perhaps it's the reason I hate to share the people in my life. But I'm also passive-aggressive. Whatever you want flies since I'm incapable of voicing opposition.

I am far from perfect. Then again, show me someone who isn't.

Painting with words.

2009-01-25T21:47:00.000-08:00

I'm beginning to realize how much of an art form blogging is. I've never been able to appreciate art on canvas or crafted into stone - I read, and words are what I've come to admire most. It amazes me that someone's thoughts, ideas, goals, findings, inspirations, tragedies, and experiences can all be wrapped up into one ever-changing space of personal expression.

Mine is of no worth to any but me. Short and vague is my style, which I think would confuse and torment anyone trying to figure me out. But I realize that in order for the future me to seek any value from my current experiences, I need to take my thoughts - and entries - off reserve.

Time to create a mosaic with the medium I know best.

Ever the wiser.

2009-01-25T07:54:00.000-08:00

It's not me, it's you.

Insomnia really makes one think.

To be resolved:

2009-01-01T23:41:00.000-08:00

Vegetableism.
The daily intel.
AA.
Mighty healthy.
ET, phone home.
Got money in the bank.

All I want for Christmas.

2008-12-24T02:53:00.000-08:00

Why does this seem so familiar? Ah technology, how you'll ruin me.

Stupid for you.

2008-12-17T02:54:00.000-08:00

Some ideas are better left unfinished, others just untouched.
It's funny how much my heart's sank and life's changed because .

Tomorrow.

2008-12-15T23:48:00.000-08:00

A. Hepburn was a wise woman.

2008-12-14T04:08:00.001-08:00

Some rules to live by:

I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.

It's that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up: Others matter more than you do, so 'don't fuss, dear; get on with it.'

Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt - the day as it comes, people as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.

Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you're exactly the same.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.

For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

Take time to realize.

2008-10-27T03:13:00.000-07:00

It's so hard to hold onto someone you know you could never be with. And no matter how you think about it, you just have to let them go. Because while good things never last, some don't even start.

Why does it bother me so? It's not an issue of being without you - rather, you being with her.

Accomplishments are made possible by your mother - failures are your own fault.

2008-10-23T11:43:00.000-07:00

Hi Mams,

Midterms are over, and I'm looking forward to the week or so I have as a break from the next wave. I can't wait to come home next weekend. Despite how I may have come off on the occasional phone calls, I've missed your cooking, your words of wisdom, even your judgmental nitpicks.

It's one thing to be criticized by your friends, another to be analyzed by your mother. But believe me, I'd much rather shamefully be under careful observation through your slightly skewed rose-colored glasses than be at fault by the scrutiny of my self-righteous peers.

I've taken to my social cocoon again, much like last quarter. I don't know why I tend to become more reserved, borderline secretive even, when it comes to friends' remarks about my actions or whereabouts. Hopefully I'll be able to overcome this tendency, since they're all undeserving of that kind of treatment. I promise, I'll come home with hours worth of harmonious accords rather than negative feedback.

I won't let you down.

Love, YS

The dénouement.

2008-10-19T15:37:00.000-07:00

Two months can change everything. Take, for instance, my entire world.
Please, not literally.

Post's secret

2008-10-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

The Bucket List

2008-10-16T16:38:00.001-07:00

1. Be the happiest I've never been.
2. Strive for 1 through whatever I may chance to do.

Pistol through a shotglass

2008-10-14T19:11:00.001-07:00

insp wanted

We're in the prime of our lives.

2008-10-12T00:53:00.000-07:00

My subsequent life has passed - I was going to say, happily - but, at all events, tolerably enough.
- The Blithedale Romance. Nathaniel Hawthorne

Turkey Bowl is coming up and I've begun to worry that we've all grown too distant to keep it going. How ironic is it that just into our second year of college, we've nearly given up the one tradition that had been created to last?

"People say change is great, but what's so great about change?"

Beats me.

The Heart of a Broken Story

2008-05-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

I was going to write a lovely tender boy-meets-girl story. What could be finer, I thought. The world needs boy-meets-girl stories. But to write one, unfortunately, the writer must go about the business of having the boy meet the girl. I couldn't do it with this one. Not and have it make sense.
- J.D. Salinger